Preparing for Courtship
You can begin preparing for courtship today. When you desire something as sincere as marriage, you don’t have to wait until you meet the mate you’re preparing to meet. Prepare for the blessing right where you are. You can utilize biblical wisdom, principles, and application to get started.
I’ll provide some simple helpful tips to keep you focused on the goal ahead. Marriage is service unto Christ, your spouse, and your family. In the video Marriage Preps and Steps, I discussed how essential it is to prepare for the marriage. In addition, Married to Christ sets the foundation for this series—Navigating the Single Life.
Decision Making and Financial Health
Light and Salt
We are the aroma of Christ, the salt of the earth, and the light of the world. God calling us light and salt is beautiful. Therefore, remember these truths when God answers our prayer to send someone to love and serve.
Matthew 5:13-16 NIV says, 13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. 14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
Let the light of Christ shine bright in your single season. Don’t hide who you are for the benefit of getting into a relationship. You are preparing for the right kind of relationship that won’t cause you to lose your saltiness or snuff out your light. Your desire to glorify God will overflow into every other aspect of your life.
Preparing for Courtship
Knowing what and why you want certain things ahead of time will save you a lot of time during the vetting process. I am not against dating; I am against how the world defines dating vs. courtship. Dating allows you to vet and collect pertinent data and become the person you desire to be right now.
Also, grab you a copy of the Soul Check-up. It will help you regularly keep your thoughts in perspective, grow spiritually, and motivate you to organize and keep your environment intact for tremendous success in Christian Living.
Identify your non-negotiables
What are some things you aren’t willing to bend on?
Some examples are:
- Someone having jealousy towards your children
- They don’t get along with your parents
- Disrespectful to their parents
- Smoking weed or cigarettes
- Drugs or drunkenness
- Lying, cheating, or sexting others
- Financially unstable (with no plans in place to change it)
- Going through your phone and computer without permission
- Stealing from you
- How many children if any you’ll allow
- Abusive and belittling
- Pressuring you to have sex before marriage
- They don’t treat you with love or respect
- They don’t take accountability for wrongs
Behave as if you’re already a husband/wife
Since you desire marriage, start behaving and carrying yourself to represent your good qualities as a desirable spouse.
Here’s what I mean:
- Your Living Space – When my future husband comes home, I want the environment to feel pleasant and cozy. Therefore, I am keeping my space as neat as possible. I miss the mark some weeks, but I try to get back on track.
- Flexibility – Are you flexible enough to learn to prepare or cook things they love that you may not like? How flexible are you with spontaneous outings and last-minute changes? In relationships, flexibility is an essential skill. It helps you bond and grow closer in love.
- Anticipate their needs – As a single person, you can practice this skill within the friendships and relationships you have with church, family, and co-workers. Do you take the initiative or wait to be told everything? A good spouse anticipates the needs of their partner. When you learn what they like and dislike, you will move proactively in love. A good question to ask is, what do you need help with today? If she loves fresh flowers and handwritten letters, go the extra mile, not just for a special occasion but for the benefit of the bond you’re building.
Highlight your strengths
Some examples are:
- Listening – If you’re great at listening and hearing people out to gain understanding instead of listening to respond, this will take you far.
- Administration – If you have the gift of administration, it can help your business affairs when you create systems for budgeting, planning, organizing, pantry stocking up, and helping kids with their learning and activities.
- Business – You might be stellar at understanding people’s needs related to growing a business, marketing, business structure, licenses, operations, and networking. Your spouse may have a vision they need your help executing.
- Planning – The skill of planning can go far when it comes to staying on top of the vehicle and home maintenance, travel, daycare, the kid’s schedules, savings, and anything else you’ll need plans for in the marriage.
- Maintenance – a spouse that knows how to fix things around the house or with the car is a plus. The ability to repair something that would otherwise cost hundreds and thousands of dollars is powerful and will save the family cash. It’s also another way to add money to the household by providing these services as a side business.
- Here are some other strengths:
- Intersensory Prayer
- Consistent and Disciplined
- Sense of Humor
- Styling/Cutting Hair
Structure your story
Everyone has struggles and painful events that occurred in the past. We know our story, but very few of us have gone through the process of unpacking it. If you do this, I promise the experience through the Holy Spirit will change and heal you. It’s best to sort it out before you meet the one. When you work through your story beforehand, there is healing in the process, and it will equip you to build confidence in Christ. Trust in God, knowing that what He joins together is something man cannot separate. When someone accepts who you are in Christ right now, through the redeeming power of the blood of the Lamb, you’ll know just how merciful and undeserving you are. But God!!!!
Mark 10:7-9 NIV says, 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
You’ll remember all He bought you through and thank Him for His goodness, grace, and mercy. Because of His excellence, you’re allowed to be a spouse.
- During the story time, you can see what parts need to be disclosed by praying about it and listening to God for an answer. Not every inch of detail from your past needs to be shared.
- Release all bitterness and resentment.
- Repent for anything you did to cause the past romantic relationships not to work out and where you failed family, friends, employer, or whoever—take accountability.
Pray for your spouse daily
Pray that God will keep, protect, and guide them. Ask God to help them persist in their faith and relationship with Christ daily. Intercede for their current relationships to be strengthened, and connections that don’t mean them good will be exposed and terminated. Lord, please keep them from temptation and harmful activities. Prepare them for our connection so we can glorify you together.
- You’ll have your own family, extended family, friends, and other things to pray about. Therefore, make prayer a habit now to be rooted in the source of all good things—God!
Preparing by leaving unhealthy relationships
Some relationships and friendships you’re involved in are not suitable for you. Some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Unfortunately, all friendships are not friendships. They are more acquaintance-based or very shallow. Nonetheless, some employment situations are also not beneficial, so it’s time to evaluate those.
Evaluate your spiritual closet
Sin separates us from God. Therefore, we want to ask God to reveal the areas of sin in our life we may not be or are aware of. These sins can hinder the blessing of entering courtship. Please take the preparing process seriously and do not play with sin.
Colossians 3:5-10 NIV says, Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.
Work on your appearance
I don’t want to come off superficial right here, but working on your appearance is essential for preparing for courtship. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. However, I want to stress the importance of exhibiting femininity if you’re a woman and masculinity if you’re a man. The line is not blurred. Therefore, make every effort to walk confidently in who God made you. For example:
- When deciding on a new look for your hair or wardrobe, it’s okay to ask the Holy Spirit for help to evaluate what you like or what’s uncertain. Change is okay if you want a new haircut, want to grow your beard, or invest in a new wardrobe to step up your style. Accessories and the right shoes can add just the right touch and make you appear polished. Whatever look you decide on, make sure you’re comfortable with it, and you can maintain the confidence well into your marriage. Clothing should fit your body structure.
- Take care of your skin, hands, feet, and hygiene. Find some signature fragrances and products that flow with your body chemistry. Now is a good time if you have always wanted braces or get your teeth repaired.
- If you want to lose a few pounds, what better time than now to eat better and step into a new fitness routine? The goal is to maintain the habits throughout your marriage, not just your courtship.
Get out of the house
When preparing for courtship, it’s essential for you to get out of the house solo—yes, all by your lonesome. You are more approachable when you are not in a pact or with a group of people. Getting out is my area of struggle, so please pray for me. Sometimes I get stuck and have no desire to leave the house, and I need to live more life. I know sunshine and exploration are excellent for my overall well-being. Suppose you have a hard time getting out of the house. Here are some places you can go alone.
- Movies or sporting events
- Restaurants and rooftop gatherings
- Family or friends get-togethers
- Gym or fitness classes
- Live music events
- Museums and exhibitions
- Zoo and parks
- Gun Range, tennis, batting cage, golf course
- Farmers Market and festivals
- Shopping and trade shows
- Church and small groups
- Local classes
- Visit other churches and singles events
I hope these preparing for courtship tips were helpful. I’m sure you’ll come up with many other things I did not bring up on this list, but this is a good start. Thank you for reading. If this post blessed you, please be so kind as to share it with a friend.
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