Waiting on God can feel like it’s taking forever as you wait to meet the right person. The waiting process is all about what you make it as you navigate your single life.
When you desire marriage, patiently waiting requires skill and understanding. Trust me, I know. The hope to be loved and accepted by them is a yearning that won’t disappear. Whether you’re a widow, divorcee, or have never been married, handling time alone isn’t always sunshine and sparkles.
So let’s talk about waiting.
I created this series to help you, my fellow Soulful, navigate the single life. If you missed last week’s LIVE stream Marriage Steps and Preps and the article Married to Christ, I encourage you to start there.
What Waiting on God Looks Like
Waiting on God involves activity and action.
When you pray for something, you move forward in faith.
If you pray for a new construction home, the work starts way before you shop and put a contract on the lot. You pay off debts, save money, get your credit score right, and pre-qualify. You take the necessary measures to get the house you want first and then buy or put earnest money down on a plot of land.
Since your goal is marriage—what steps will you take to get the desired outcome?
Phases of Waiting – Development
There are many phases of the new construction process and involve a lot of parties. Your life is no different. Work is going on, and you play a part in the process.
When you ride past your new home construction site, you see people working on finishing the job. Some houses in the development are ready, and the foundation on others is just going in. Some places are built, but some are not.
When your new house is complete, it’s a joyous occasion, primarily when you reflect on all it took to get you here. But, you cannot conclude that there is nothing left to do, the new season of work starts. Just because your home is finished does not mean the process is over.
None of us has arrived.
When God completes your home and moves you to the next phase, you still need to move into your new space. Before you move in, you need to complete an inspection, do a final walk-through, and meet with the closing attorneys to sign legal documents.
Finally, you get the keys.
Nonetheless, your new space requires you to hire movers and buy furniture, appliances, interior finishes, and décor.
God is Sovereign – Construction
God has you under construction or in development. So, for now, single means you’re set apart. It does not mean something is wrong with you. He’s sovereign and works on you and your future mate within various phases.
Therefore, you can’t stop moving. Maximize your singleness and get the most out of it until you and your desired mate no longer has the construction sign displayed.
Identity in Christ
Your identity in Christ links to your victory in life.
Get familiar with who God says you are in His Word. The day-to-day can be mundane when you don’t understand your identity in Christ or what He’s doing. That’s why you want to get in the habit of reading, studying, and meditating. Here are several scriptures from soulshepherding.com to help you hone in on your new life.
One of the first things I do when I move into a new space is pray in each room and bless the home. I place oil over the window seals and doorposts. If you don’t know how to pray and manage your feelings, you might do things that can set you back. I also recommend inviting loved ones to pray with you on this journey. Prayer is also God’s covering. So I encourage you to make praying a habit. Make a habit of praying for your future mate.
Every thought that enters your mind is not from God, so you want to focus on His Word and keep your mind fixed on Him during this navigation journey. Pray for His will in your life and for Him to show you how to be a good spouse.
It takes a lot of self-discipline to live as a successful single in Christ when you yearn for the love of another soul, but it’s possible.
Also, grab you a copy of the Soul Check-up. It will help you to regularly keep your thoughts in perspective, grow spiritually, and motivate you to organize and keep your environment intact for tremendous success. See what I’m referring to right here in this Soul Check-up YouTube video.
Decide and Choose
Choosing God and deciding to obey and commit your desires and ways to His Lordship must first start in your heart. Joshua expressed this in Joshua 24:15 when he said, “But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve.”
Deciding and waiting on God with the proper heart posture will get you farther than you know. We see the benefits and encouragement from those that waited in the bible. Waiting is not easy, but it’s possible to love, live, and rejoice where you are now. Paul said he could do all things through Christ, and he meant it.
Since you’re in Christ, you can learn to be content wherever God has you.
Success in Singlehood
Jesus lived as a successful single during His time on earth. His assignment left Him full. He had family, disciples, and supporters—but He was married to His mission. Jesus always found it necessary to go off to be alone with the Father. As you do the same, the Holy Spirit will reveal areas in your life that need to be submitted, strengthened, healed, and worked on.
I am not comparing you with Jesus, but He identifies with our struggles, and in everything we do, His time here teaches us how to live out and obey Him.
Therefore, embrace every bit of your singleness until that time because you’ll have your new responsibilities and concerns, plus a marriage. Yayyyyyyyyy!
The waiting game is a walk of faith—a huge test.
Success is passing the tests God takes us through. Do not ignore what God holds a mirror against in your heart. Work on your issues because the enemy will attempt to use them against you when you get married—even if you haven’t seen them manifest in a while.
If you struggle with:
…or anything else—invite the Holy Spirit to help you learn and study in these areas. Ask for the fruit of His Spirit to be made manifest in your life (Galatians 5:22-23).
Are you serving God during this season? Matthew 6:33 NIV Jesus wants us to seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. God will also likely reveal work to do for the Kingdom—so be prepared. Waiting on God is also serving. The waiter at the restaurant is a server. The two are correlated.
Self-care is essential to waiting on and prepping for marriage. Don’t neglect yourself, but be good to you! Make sure you’re presentable and well-groomed when you go to work, church, events, or run errands. Keep your appearance neat and clean. Working out if need be won’t hurt either. Wear a smile when you meet and greet people, be approachable and polite.
Use your time as a tool and sow good seeds. Work on your finances, clean up your credit, get stable, learn something new, and nurture your existing relationships. Bring something to the table. George Quinn says, “If a man is seeking a helpmeet, he must be submitted to God and have something going on in his life that he needs help with.” Also, ladies, will you be ready to submit and help when that time comes?
When I married my ex-husband, I didn’t have anything to help him with. Instead, I was a woman working tirelessly to patch up and fix a broken person and the millions of issues that weren’t addressed or resolved before we tied the knot—I was drained Soulful.
Now eleven years post-divorce, I thank God for delivering me out of that union. However, there are still consequences I had to deal with for several years because of that decision. When you don’t honor God in your decisions, big or small, you can bring unnecessary hardship into your life. You place yourself at a disadvantage—I get that now.
So pleaseeeee work on what needs to be addressed!
You are not waiting for God’s blessing if you are fornicating, watching porn, or masturbating. Sex before marriage is a sin against your body and God. God created sex for marriage. When we engage in it before He honors it, we dishonor Him.
1 Corinthians 6:18 NIV says, Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
While the Holy Spirit is living inside of you, He’s grieved by this. We’ve now spiritually connected our souls with someone God never intended for us to be with in this way before vows. Even if you marry that person, there is still baggage associated with the act, especially if there were sexual partners before them. There is now a slew of issues and soul connections to be freed.
Repent and turn urgently from premarital sex.
As you work through the problems, you’ll soon see that your girlfriend-boyfriend relationship is very different from that between husband and wife. So don’t put unnecessary things in the way. If you’re involved in premarital sex, ask God to intervene. His power and your diligence can break the stronghold. In Christ we are victorious.
Marriage Steps and Preps – video
Waiting and Courtship
While single (whether courting or engaged) tune your heart to the Lord, get into His Word, deepen your prayer life, and seek His will. We don’t’ know or can’t see it all, but God does. The Holy Spirit can guide and keep us from turning the wrong way or walking into unknown danger.
Once you can depend on God to supply you with every need, let the courting begin.
In my experience, dating is very worldly, while courting permits you to fact find without jumping in with emotions. When God presents you with an opportunity to explore someone—hold on and test!
Just because you like them does not mean they’re the ONE; it means it’s time for you to be patient and allow the Holy Spirit to work.
Collecting data about this person in the pre-courting process keeps you on your knees in prayer while God reveals who the person is. After all, do you think the Lover of your Soul will just let you jump into the arms of just anyone?
Vetting while Waiting
Vet, vet, and vet some more. While in the waiting phase of pre-courtship—once you’ve found a suitor—ask these questions:
What is your conversion testimony?
Who is Jesus Christ?
How many children do you have/want?
Where do you attend church, and how often do you go?
Do you have accountability in your life?
What are you currently studying/reading?
What does your prayer life look like?
Do you serve the body of Christ or at your church?
These are some excellent questions to get you started. I have tons more. Additionally, you want to find out why their last relationship/marriage failed. We can explore more vetting questions at another time.
Your future husband/wife must be born again—there is no negotiation here—none!
Do not try to help them explain their conversion testimony or help them explain salvation.
Anyone born of the water and the Spirit will know how to testify. If they don’t, there’s no way he can love you as Christ loves the church, and she will not want to submit—spiritually, they won’t grasp it. A Believer knows how to articulate the goodness of God’s redemption power according to the Word of God. Look out for a testimony that is huge on experiences.
1 Corinthians 2:14 KJV says, But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them because they are spiritually discerned.
Use your gift of discernment and walk away if their testimony does not line up with the gospel according to the Bible. It does not matter how good the chemistry feels or how great the person looks… RUN!!!
God will not present you to anyone unequally yoked, but Satan will.
You want to ask specific questions before you seriously court a person; these questions will keep your head clear from moving with emotions. You also want to look for fruit during these 30-90 days.
You MUST be strong in this area and not allow your feelings to overlook their testimony. Yes, some people are indeed in their early walk with Christ, and they are not aware of the language; this might be the case but pray for God to reveal to you if it is.
Also, being equally yoked though salvation does not mean you two are on the same level of maturity or are walking along the same path. When this does not intersect, don’t settle—they’re just not the one. Your potential mate’s value systems might not be aligned.
Waiting on the Lord
Look for someone that loves the Lord and cherishes His Word. There is a greater chance for them to be solid, committed, and unwilling to break God’s heart easily. Can you imagine how you will solve problems with someone that doesn’t seek wisdom from God’s Word or pray often?
I know the tragedy of marrying a man with no interest in spiritual things. It’s a spiritual disaster waiting to happen. Everything is based on their opinion—what they think, hear, feel, or see. You want someone that respects God’s instructions regarding life (Proverbs 1:7).
Waiting and Parenting
Suppose your choice has children; note how they treat their children.
Do they worship their children’s very existence?
Do they display discipline or let them run the house?
Are they nurturing and loving, or do they not want to be bothered, are harsh, abrasive, and condescending?
Are they taking care of their child physically (if living in the same state), financially, and emotionally or are they uninvolved and full of excuses?
Does the person you’re seeing take an interest in your children? Do they include them? Are they jealous of your relationship etc.?
Keep your eyes open and pray.
There should be room for you and the children if someone is genuinely interested. Look for someone that has their balance in perspective, whether their children are young or adults.
You should never be in a race against time, people’s opinions, or anything else to get married. God knows what’s best for you at any given time. It will get challenging as you wait, but God is transforming and equipping you to be the person He created you to be in. Your sanctification is God’s priority. Remember that you are in God’s hands, and He hears your prayers and wipes every tear—hold on, Soulful you’re still under development!
Make a list of the pre-courtship vetting questions.
Pray for your future spouse starting today.
Wait on the Lord and be of good cheer.
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